You’re Only Old Once!: A Book for Obsolete Children

Subtitled A Book for Obsolete Children, this unusual item in the Seuss canon doesn’t really belong among the children’s books. Written to celebrate the nonsense master’s 82nd birthday, it follows “you” (an elderly gent in a suit and white moustache) through a physical check-up in some fiendish geriatric clinic. You are measured, prodded, and subjected to all the medical indignities familiar and unfamiliar to the elderly. “You must see Dr. Pollen, our Allergy Whiz, who knows every sniffle and itch that there is… He will check your reactions to thumbtacks and glue, catcher’s mitts, leaf mould, and cardigans too. Nasturtiums and marble cake, white and blue chalks, anthracite coal and the feathers of hawks.” It’s clear that the process is going to be long, but much shorter than the bill. The blurb on the back says it all: “Is this a children’s book? Well… not immediately. You buy a copy for your child now and you give it to him on his 70th birthday.” Actually, it would make an amusing gift for anyone over 40. –Richard Farr

Dr. Seuss lightens the aches and pains of growing old with his inimitable wit and wisdom. In this new defense against aging, we follow our hapless hero through his checkup with the experts at the Golden Years Clinic.